I hate this place

I need to fucking leave this shithole festival. I think that a lot of people come here, and the orchestra and people are better than what they have at school. However, the orchestra and people are not better than the people at Eastman...it feels like I'm taking a step backwards by coming here. Playing quartet for the end of time...I feel that I unlearning things that I already learned when I played it before...it is so isolated here...you would think that it would be nice to see the mountains all the time...but its the same fucking mountains everyday, and there is nowhere to get away from them. I think if I had to be here any longer I would kill myself...and I'm really not kidding. Two more days and I can leave this place...and now I really am not going to audition again...the only reason I would ever come back is to do the chamber music (and leave at the end of it) or the String Qaurtet Competition...but thats another story. Today we played the Chopin Concerto (em) with Donna at the noon concert. It went pretty well, I guess...its not like we really worked on it at all. She sounded fine...nothing special at all, nothing compared to the pianists at Eastman (sorry Donna)...I was going to work out afterwards, but I was feeling kind of sick and depressed, so I just sat around my room for a while, then went to Quartet rehearsal. Went pretty well...wasn't very into it since I was out of it. Skipped dinner and then went to orchestra...which was shit...we sound so bad, maybe if we had a real conductor we might sound a bit better, but probably not. My stand partner shares most of my opinions, except about Parisot, but he didn't tell her she would be better of if she quit the cello (and um, yes, he did tell me that). After orchestra Donna had a little party for the people that played...she went all out with tons of food and drink...wish I was in a better mood, I would have stayed longer. I have almost cried like 10 times today, because I am so unhappy here. I just want to go home and see my parents and go to school and see my friends and everything will be fine. Then I can start practicing again. Im going to try and go to sleep now. Do you guys like the new blog?