Post Recital

My recital last Saturday (a week ago?!?!?) went really well...thanks to all of you who attended (and who wanted to but couldn't). Life has been a little strange since then, mainly because I don't really know what to do with myself...I am taking the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra Audition in a few weeks and I've been working on that stuff but I find some of the excerpts just never get better, no matter what I do. (Mendelssohn 4 opening...and Brahms 2 last movement)...I feel confident that I could do really well at this audition, but I know I would have to play these at some point and they will kill me...but I guess I still have a few weeks to figure it out. Would be really nice to advance at least one round...I've been working on all of this orchestra rep stuff on and off now for almost 8 years (not to mention playing in orchestras much longer than that!) Would be nice to be able to do something with that training...

I've been very confused lately...all the things that I've always wanted to do, like chamber music and contemporary music and "alternative music careers" suddenly seem so unattractive to me. I find myself checking musicalchairs all the time to see the job postings. I guess everything is just very real since I will be graduating in a few months and I don't feel confident that I will be able to make enough money doing that other stuff to pay all the bills (I'm pretty sure I can't)...especially moving to a brand new city where I've never lived or gone to school or even been in for more than 5 days consecutively. I see friends who I play just as well as winning jobs in orchestras, so what used to seem totally impossible, now doesn't seem so far fetched. I'm just very confused right now, and don't really know what do to with myself! agh! What do you guys think?