I've been very confused lately...all the things that I've always wanted to do, like chamber music and contemporary music and "alternative music careers" suddenly seem so unattractive to me. I find myself checking musicalchairs all the time to see the job postings. I guess everything is just very real since I will be graduating in a few months and I don't feel confident that I will be able to make enough money doing that other stuff to pay all the bills (I'm pretty sure I can't)...especially moving to a brand new city where I've never lived or gone to school or even been in for more than 5 days consecutively. I see friends who I play just as well as winning jobs in orchestras, so what used to seem totally impossible, now doesn't seem so far fetched. I'm just very confused right now, and don't really know what do to with myself! agh! What do you guys think?
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